Source: found it off FB
This is something I struggle with at times. Am I doing my best of being a good mother? Do I succeed.
It feels to me that anno 2021, you need to do so much to be a good parent, and especially a mother. It must be also partially conflicting standards of Estonia and the Netherlands, but I sense it as a lot.
So, what am I ought to do?
- Breastfeed exclusively at least a year (WHO says: 2 years) (EST). We know how that went... I am still breastfeeding once a day though and 9 months is actually a long time in Dutch terms...
- Babywear. No problem with it but as she now sleeps in a stroller, we don't really do it any more. My muscles were aching after a 6 km walk when carrying her!
- Developmentally suitable games, wooden toys, lots of good books that get read at least once a day. Nothing against that whatsoever! I don't really prefer loud colourful things in my living room anyway.
- Stroller with all the correct requirements. Sunshade, peekaboo window, fully reclining into a horizontal position for sleeping. And oh yes, my Thule UG 1 is not a proper running stroller... Too bad, but I don't want to spend a couple of hundred euros more for a stroller I use 1-2 x week... I run too slow anyway...
- Do baby-led weaning. It turned out that we were too tired and lazy for that after M's grandparents left, so we give purees about 50% time.
- Make all your own baby food. I tried. Three times. Two of these tries she absolutely disliked so we have a freezer shelf full of food she doesn't want to eat... Our grocery order just got longer!
- Get an expensive car seat that can rotate 360 degrees, jump and do tricks. Baby in rear-facing position at least 2 years (longer is better). I like everything that is safe but when I looked at what the car seats cost, it blew me off for a sec. Of course, we are getting a good and a safe one still.
- Lose the "baby weight" as soon as possible. No idea whatsoever what I weigh but I have felt uncomfortable a couple of times after having her but decided that this won't determine anything. It is just my body, I am healthy and I do think I look good (some of the time).
- Get barefoot shoes for the baby. Wait, why do we have shoes for barefoot walking? I spent literally an hour last night thinking about this before I could fall asleep. How many pairs of shoes do babies need again per year? Do I need a saving account for it?
- Do baby massage, baby swimming, baby playgroups, baby sign language. Everything baby. (And yes, we have done all of it but the playgroups).
- A Good Estonian Mom stays home with the baby at least 1,5 years but better, for 3 years. Or you just become a stay-at-home mom. Nothing wrong with that but there is no maternity wage here past 4 months and one (read: me) needs adult interaction and challenges in their life.
- No screens until 2 years and then less is better. OK, I completely agree with that and we try our best so the only screens she sees are during video calls.
- Washable nappies. Yes, we do it outside of daycare and travelling and it is actually really fine and good. We started 1 month in as before, it was all too much and we plan to continue hopefully until she is out of diapers.
- Which leads us to the next point: elimination communication. Learn the signals and put the baby on the potty from the birth on. Not possible here because she spends quite some days a week at daycare. And she is an independent little baby so we are not so super close to her always (but we do make sure she is safe!).
- Woolen organic clothes. Sadly to our budget, I am a fan of them too. They feel really nice and can be used for quite a long time without wear and tear but they are by no chance a must. Somehow though, I am spending more time (and money) making sure my daughter has good matching clothes than myself. (I always have an excuse that x hours a week, it all is hidden under a white coat anyway...)
- Sleep training is bad. It is OK to feed baby x times at night for a year or longer. Feeding to sleep is OK. Mom's exhaustion and being sleep deprived is OK too. They are so little only for such a short time. Right?
No, not in our life. We didn't do much of harsh sleep training but we did some. I love babies but I really love babies who go to sleep independently and sleep from 7 pm to 7 am. And I really didn't love how I felt during the 4th-month sleep regression (read: I wanted to ask if I could sleep on the floor of the neighbours' spare room for a night).
- Attachment parenting. It is a big black hole to go into and I am sure that it works for some people but as we (go back to the previous point) love babies who sleep in their own rooms independently and really enjoy some baby-free time, it won't work for us. Too strict of a parent here too on my side.
- Oh and when we talked about attachment parenting, there is also respectful parenting, violence-free parenting (is that not kind of logical??), name it all. Even though I think that it is nice to define which kind of parent you are, it is a bit of a fight between clans here...
A bit of a different kind of post, isn't it? By no chance, it is meant as an insult. But what I want to say is that if you are caring for your baby, making sure they are safe and loved, this is what matters and not if you are training them to be Baby Einstein! Oh, and do not smoke and do drugs or consume (extensive amounts of) alcohol when they are around! Or better, never.